NOVEMBER 15 2022
phoo its been a week. idk if i mentioned this but i deactivated my twitter a while ago! i recently reactivated it but im no where near as active as i was before...
i wasn't as healthy as i usually was even without it, but omfg its like a breath of fresh air LOL u guys should try it once and a while. love my muts to death but yeah twt can be really taxing sometimes LOL... what a weird thing to complain about. also i know everyone and their MAMA has talked about this past week on neocities but i guess i have a relevant relation to it so yeah x-P not really going to explain it but for those who know itll make sense, i doubt anyone gives a fuck but i was in rots webring, i didnt know abt rot prior cuz i wasn't here in the summer when a lot of shit happened and i never use the activity page so i was realllly behind lol, but i still feel kind of guilty for not knowing. shouldve done a lot more research before just jumping into a webring just cuz i like its aesthetic, lessoned learned i suppose
anyways thats probably the last ill mention it. just had to get my two cents in since everyone was sharing their experience! rn im rewatching utopia and im almost on break for holidays, and then i GO TO JAPAN!!! im so excited i cant wait. i cant believe i get to share so many fun memories with my FRIENDS!!!! im really bummed out that one of my friends cant come, but it was never really an option nor discussed but it will feel like part of me is... MISSING (cries) !!!! we are such a trio+one (a quad..) but yeah things happen, at least ill bring a lot of stuff for her back. and also im feeling better, my last journals have not been.........DA BRIGHTEST ONES but... i am feeling a lot better and getting out and stuff. and ive been making art too again, like non depressing art, heres a cute little pic of my oc ill share for now and will remove once it ages poorly LOL ok, bye!
NOVEMBER 9 2022
yesterday was a mess and worse than i thought it would get. i have a feeling ill be stuck like this for a few more days, but it'll get better. i
added some drawings of this character i draw + one from 2020 from when i was feeling the same way.... its corny but i think they
represent just this shit part of my life that i feel sometimes (X_X) ill probably take the images off someday but oh well.
today i have to go to class for real bc i havent in like 3 weeks and im failing this project 100%
so cant wait to deal with that..
just feeling a little lost is all. like i said im sure itll pass. but its sad when the problem is still persistant. the feeling lessens but its still
there and i just need to do something about it bc i guess my "EMOTIONAL OUTBURSTS" get worse and worse every time... soo the problem isnt really fixing
itself haha if that makes sense ugh i just hate everything. well idk where this entry is going so ill just end it here saying.. itll get better! just a
little further more.
NOVEMBER 8 2022
today is november 8th (T_T) traumatic 'anniversaries' are so annoying. i hate the 'road to recovery' too;;; i thought i was making progress, last year was so much
easier than ever before and i thought i finally moved past it and grew up. but this year is so much worse. i relapsed this week, so thats 3 years of progress
down the drain. i dont even know what to think. i never thought i would do that again but it just got so bad. i have no one to talk about it with so i write
it here. i jsut want someone to care if im being sappy and honest, its like this every year and i dont know how obvious i can make it without feeling cringed
out about myself. i stopped doing my work i stopped talking to people the only thing i do is dissociate and relapse and do stupid shit that has no value to
my well-being or productive. im supposed to be happy, im leaving the country for a month in a few weeks but im just stuck in this feeling. i just want it to
go away lolol.. but idk. im sure ill be happy in the future again, it just seems bleak for now like it always does.
MAY 2 2022
welp here comes the sad entry. something happened yesterday that really got me thinking about things (woah) i guess i really don't have a permanent space in ppls brains which sounds kind of cringe kind of flop kind of lame but yeah. i just feel.. kind of strange about it! not much that i say people remember, i guess i just do not have a profound effect on people like i want to . not even profound, just even minimal. i have a consistent interest in things but i seem to find the ppl around me don't really....remember that i like those things. i think maybe i spend too much time focusing on the things other people like and get surprised when it's not reciprocated. maybe i hope they will return the favor, but they usually do not. that's how it is with a lot of aspects about myself i think. maintaining them hoping i will get equal treatment back but i just set myself up for dissapointment. kinda sad!
APRIL 23 2022
jezus its hot outside today. chicago weather has been so crappy except for today. probably furthered by enviornmental collapse but. i wish it was consistently warm out by now! also realizing my link says diary but this page is journal. im stupid sometimes ( a lot ) i am almost done with school, which is good. i have lots of ideas for my neocities pages when the semester is over. but i am trying to not lose my passion! it's not the same as when i used to sit 12 hours a day for like a week at my chair just typing away. i think also because ive learned a lot about coding in the last few months but now im at a point where i dont really need to learn more to make a majority of the things im interested in doing.... GWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA..
"no title tbh"
APRIL 15 2022
Woohoo new journal layout! maybe ill actually use this now. ^_^
"lomner in dis world.."
APRIL 4 2022
i am so tired today eh..today was the first day of school back from spring break. my break was ok. i did a lot of my creative hobbies. i did not go to my first class.. whoops. i think i should legit drop out of uni cuz i was not created for this enviornment . or any. WHAT EVER SHALL I DO!!
"no title tbh"
MARCH 1 2022
Won't it be funny when u find this site years later? I think so
FEBUARY 25 2022
Hmmmm will i ever continue this? probably not...... a bit nervous of leaving behind a digital foot-print of whatever this is.. maybe ill talk about my dreams? i don't expect anyone to read this i just thought it would be a cute addition to my page ^_^.....